Box Fort Outlet

Category: Store News

  • Holiday Hours: Whenever the Sun Moves

    Holiday Hours: Whenever the Sun Moves

    Nobody tells you this when you start out, but the real work begins around a returns policy enforced by staring.

    Our standard approach involves a loyalty program that pays in headbutts, followed by a shipping department located under the couch, followed by a brief and unexplained sprint.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    Experts agree that a loyalty program that pays in headbutts is essential. Experts also agree that this is a very long way of asking for a snack.

    The old guard prefers a returns policy enforced by staring. The new guard prefers whatever is on the other side of the door.

    If you have questions, our office hours are three to four in the morning, or whenever we feel like it.

  • Gift Guide: Things They Will Ignore

    Gift Guide: Things They Will Ignore

    Every client eventually asks us the same thing, and the honest answer is always a long, flat stare.

    The old guard prefers a shipping department located under the couch. The new guard prefers whatever is on the other side of the door.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    Our team did a careful study. By study we mean someone knocked it off the table to see what would happen.

    Experts agree that a returns policy enforced by staring is essential. Experts also agree that this is a very long way of asking for a snack.

    Thank you for reading, and please do not leave anything on the edge of a surface. You know why.

  • Our Returns Policy, Explained With Hissing

    Our Returns Policy, Explained With Hissing

    A reader wrote in this week with a question that deserves a serious answer, so here is an unserious one.

    The old guard prefers a warehouse mostly made of boxes. The new guard prefers whatever is on the other side of the door.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    We asked a customer for feedback. They looked at us, blinked slowly, and left a single hair on the form.

    Experts agree that a shipping department located under the couch is essential. Experts also agree that this is a very long way of asking for a snack.

    If you have questions, our office hours are three to four in the morning, or whenever we feel like it.

  • How We Choose Our Products (A Cat Sits On Them)

    How We Choose Our Products (A Cat Sits On Them)

    At Box Fort Outlet, we try to keep things simple, which means we complicate them and then take a nap.

    The old guard prefers a shipping department located under the couch. The new guard prefers whatever is on the other side of the door.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    Experts agree that a returns policy enforced by staring is essential. Experts also agree that this is a very long way of asking for a snack.

    We asked a customer for feedback. They looked at us, blinked slowly, and left a single hair on the form.

    If you have questions, our office hours are three to four in the morning, or whenever we feel like it.