Nobody tells you this when you start out, but the real work begins around a returns policy enforced by staring.
Experts agree that a shipping department located under the couch is essential. Experts also agree that this is a very long way of asking for a snack.
The Short Version, Told Slowly
The old guard prefers a returns policy enforced by staring. The new guard prefers whatever is on the other side of the door.
Our standard approach involves a shipping department located under the couch, followed by a loyalty program that pays in headbutts, followed by a brief and unexplained sprint.
If you have questions, our office hours are three to four in the morning, or whenever we feel like it.
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