Box Fort Outlet

Tag: shop

  • Holiday Hours: Whenever the Sun Moves

    Holiday Hours: Whenever the Sun Moves

    Nobody tells you this when you start out, but the real work begins around a returns policy enforced by staring.

    Our standard approach involves a loyalty program that pays in headbutts, followed by a shipping department located under the couch, followed by a brief and unexplained sprint.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    Experts agree that a loyalty program that pays in headbutts is essential. Experts also agree that this is a very long way of asking for a snack.

    The old guard prefers a returns policy enforced by staring. The new guard prefers whatever is on the other side of the door.

    If you have questions, our office hours are three to four in the morning, or whenever we feel like it.

  • Gift Guide: Things They Will Ignore

    Gift Guide: Things They Will Ignore

    Every client eventually asks us the same thing, and the honest answer is always a long, flat stare.

    The old guard prefers a shipping department located under the couch. The new guard prefers whatever is on the other side of the door.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    Our team did a careful study. By study we mean someone knocked it off the table to see what would happen.

    Experts agree that a returns policy enforced by staring is essential. Experts also agree that this is a very long way of asking for a snack.

    Thank you for reading, and please do not leave anything on the edge of a surface. You know why.

  • Why Everything We Sell Ends Up on the Floor

    Why Everything We Sell Ends Up on the Floor

    Every client eventually asks us the same thing, and the honest answer is always a long, flat stare.

    The old guard prefers a loyalty program that pays in headbutts. The new guard prefers whatever is on the other side of the door.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    If you take only one thing from this, take this: a shipping department located under the couch is not a bug. It is the product.

    Our standard approach involves a warehouse mostly made of boxes, followed by a returns policy enforced by staring, followed by a brief and unexplained sprint.

    As always, results may vary, fur may transfer, and the management accepts no responsibility for the hairball.

  • Customer Service Is Currently Napping

    Customer Service Is Currently Napping

    At Box Fort Outlet, we try to keep things simple, which means we complicate them and then take a nap.

    If you take only one thing from this, take this: a loyalty program that pays in headbutts is not a bug. It is the product.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    Naturally there was a committee. Naturally the committee was a pile of boxes, and naturally one box was occupied.

    Our standard approach involves a warehouse mostly made of boxes, followed by a returns policy enforced by staring, followed by a brief and unexplained sprint.

    If you have questions, our office hours are three to four in the morning, or whenever we feel like it.

  • Shipping Updates From a Warehouse Full of Boxes

    Shipping Updates From a Warehouse Full of Boxes

    Nobody tells you this when you start out, but the real work begins around a returns policy enforced by staring.

    Experts agree that a shipping department located under the couch is essential. Experts also agree that this is a very long way of asking for a snack.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    The old guard prefers a returns policy enforced by staring. The new guard prefers whatever is on the other side of the door.

    Our standard approach involves a shipping department located under the couch, followed by a loyalty program that pays in headbutts, followed by a brief and unexplained sprint.

    If you have questions, our office hours are three to four in the morning, or whenever we feel like it.